change

has been sort of a theme for the past year. what with scholarships, and graduations, and crossing oceans, and cute little people with names beginning with k, and snow, and apple trees...it's hard to deny it.

and then something happens that hits you. like an 18 wheeler to your little black ford. on the highway, so you're already at high speeds.

but not only does it hit you, it drags you a significant ways down the road.

but you don't die. no...you sustain a significant amount of injury.

you don't die. that's the miracle of it all. you shake what you can off, and you survey the damage.

you survey the damage and you repair what you can.

you mourn for what you lost and you take one step forward.

yes, it hurts to walk, says the physical therapist, but you will never learn to sing without singing.

you grit your teeth and shift your weight.

and every third step or so, you allow yourself to look behind,

every second or third step you allow yourself a little rest from it all...

okay fine every step you take is one step backwards. and sometimes two and fine you dont go anywhere...

because yes you are a new creation, reborn after a terrible accident...one that had to happen because you need to be here...right? (raines would understand this, i think)

yes you're new, but look at those scars. look at those wounds.

NO.

don't look at them. close your eyes. blindfold yourself if you have to.

you were not more beautiful before.

life was not more beautiful before.

and if it were, if you were...you are no longer that.

there is no choice but forward.

no direction but straight ahead.

thus change becomes inevitable.

scholarships come and are spent

hellos and goodbyes

a plane crosses the ocean and back again

a Wonder dies,

the one that stands behind the house,

and is reborn

a different tree.